New Reviews - Have you checked my review page recently?

Over the last month or so We have had a couple more people review our work. We are lucky to have some great clients. If you haven't check our reviews lately here is a new one on AVVO:

Reviews found on AVVO (http://bit.ly/1xBM7bK)

"Bankruptcy Review - Posted by a client (5 stars)

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles
at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Mark was a pleasure to work with and was very helpful to me during a difficult time. I was helping a parent with some very difficult financial decisions that they weren't ready to accept. Mark was so patient with me as moved through the process with many road blocks being thrown in front of us. He always communicated with me the next step, he promptly got back to me when I would contact him and he was always just very pleasant to deal with. Thank you Mark for all your help!"

You can find more here: http://medveskylaw.blogspot.com/p/reviews.html

Thank you all for your kind words.

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

 

#Montgomery_County #law_firm #Bucks_County #Pennsylvania

Points to consider in your children custody case after a divorce (part 5 - final part)

NOTE: Pennsylvania law does not presume one parent is better than the other as a custodial parent and many county courts look to share physical custody, as close to 50/50%, as possible. While judges base child custody decisions on many variables, and the Pennsylvania law sets forth all the factors a court must consider in a child custody case, this series includes some of the more important factors Pennsylvania courts typically consider when making these decisions.  While there are no guarantees in child custody disputes, taking these actions may increase your chances of a favorable result.

This blog is part 5, the final part of this series, and discusses two more points of the 10 points we plan to discuss and for you to consider when trying to position yourself to maximize your physical custody of your children.

9. Facilitate the opposing party’s custody as much as possible.

 

If you thought it was your job to prevent the other side from exercising custody, you haven't been paying attention to common sense or the law.  If your former partner is a good parent, or more precisely, a court has found them to be a good parent, then it is your job as a parent to ensure the child benefits from the love and companionship of the other parent. In fact, Pennsylvania has codified this requirement in its divorce code. The Pennsylvania statute:

§ 5303. Award of custody, partial custody or visitation.

Image courtesy of stockimages
at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

(a) General rule.--In making an order for custody, partial custody or visitation to either parent, the court shall consider, among other factors, which parent is more likely to encourage, permit and allow frequent and continuing contact and physical access between the noncustodial parent and the child... (emphasis added)

In Pennsylvania, the court must consider whether you are the parent who will facilitate the other parent's relationship with the child.  It is the first factor listed in the statute.  So, you should show the court that you are more than willing to facilitate custody in the other parent.  Therefore, you should not work to deny the child the other parent if you want to have and keep primary custody.

10. Recognize Your Own Limits & Needs

Many times custody issues arise when a relationship breaks up, or other stressors begin working on the children or parties.  Lawyers often find that custody clients may need to slow down, and work on their own issues before rushing into a court battle.  Litigating the custody issues at a time when the drama of the breakup is causing erratic behavior can lead to bad results in the custody case.  A parent who waits a short time to stabilize their life and who has placed sometime between the breakup and the custody battle can be a benefit.  You want the judge or mediator to meet you at a high point, not your lowest state. This may mean sitting back and taking care of yourself, and not moving as quickly forward with your custody case.

Please keep in mind we are not trying to set you up to "win" a court case. This series is a set of factors for you to consider to position yourself in the best place for you to contribute to the stability, welfare, and well-being of your children.

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Douglas Wortman or Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

#Custody #Divorce #Bucks_County #lawyer #lawyers, #Montgomery_County #Souderton #Law_Firm

Points to consider in your children custody case after a divorce (part 4)

NOTE: Pennsylvania law does not presume one parent is better than the other as a custodial parent and many county courts look to share physical custody, as close to 50/50%, as possible. While judges base child custody decisions on many variables, and the Pennsylvania law sets forth all the factors a court must consider in a child custody case, this series includes some of the more important factors Pennsylvania courts typically consider when making these decisions.  While there are no guarantees in child custody disputes, taking these actions may increase your chances of a favorable result.

This blog is part 4 and discusses two more points of the 10 points we plan to discuss and for you to consider when trying to position yourself to maximize your physical custody of your children.

7. Place the children’s needs above the custody fight.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Placing the child's needs first is a simple and easy way to show the court that you have the children’s best interest in mind.  While this seems simple in theory, divorcing couples often forget to consider the child’s needs and emotions over what actions might make the other parent’s life more difficult.

Showing a court you put the child ahead of the litigation or custody fight indicates to the judge that you are a good parent.  So, evaluate your position before you act.  Are you are acting merely out of anger or frustration with the other parent?  If so, step back and be sure your decision is in the child's best interest.

8. Don’t involve the children in the custody fight.

Avoid, at all costs, placing the child directly in the custody battle.  The less they know about the parent's custody disagreements, the better the job the parents are doing.

Yet, many parents are convinced that their young child has strong feelings about which parent they prefer, and actively involve them.  Many times it is the parent projecting their views of custody on the child.  Judges and lawyers often have both parties claiming that the child has indicated that the child wants to live with them.  Then when the child meets with a psychologist or in the judge’s chambers the parties often find they do have a preference, usually for split custody and a wish for their parents not to fight.  It can also set up an environment for the child to pit one parent against the other when it is most important to communicate and work together.

Therefore, avoid extensively discussing the custody situation with the child, and leave that to the counselors and doctors.  Children will often tell you what they think you want to hear, no matter how independent you may feel they are being. 

Finally, avoid using the child as a messenger.  No child should have to relay changes in custody or one parent's displeasure to the other parent.  If the other parent needs to be talked to about a custody issue, do it yourself, or through counsel.  Young children and even older children do not need to relay custody changes or address custody disputes. Work to keep communications open for the sake of the children.

Please keep in mind we are not trying to set you up to "win" a court case. This series is a set of factors for you to consider to position yourself in the best place for you to contribute to the stability, welfare, and well-being of your children.

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Douglas Wortman or Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

#Custody #Divorce #Bucks_County #lawyer #lawyers, #Montgomery_County #Souderton #Law_Firm

Points to consider in your children custody case after a divorce (part 3)

NOTE: Pennsylvania law does not presume one parent is better than the other as a custodial parent and many county courts look to share physical custody, as close to 50/50%, as possible. While judges base child custody decisions on many variables, and the Pennsylvania law sets forth all the factors a court must consider in a child custody case, this series includes some of the more important factors Pennsylvania courts typically consider when making these decisions.  While there are no guarantees in child custody disputes, taking these actions may increase your chances of a favorable result.

This blog is part 3 and discusses two more points of the 10 points we plan to discuss and for you to consider when trying to position yourself to maximize your physical custody of your children.



Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. Find and keep stability in your life.

Stability is key to custody.  Few things concern the court more than a parent who keeps changing jobs, changing housing, and changing who they are dating. This pattern could reflect instability to a judge.

Psychologists tell courts that children need routine and stability, which should extend to all aspects of the child's life.  Therefore, judges look for stability and consistency in a parent.  If you do need to change jobs or housing, do so with a carefully thought out plan of action.

If you change your life around a lot, the other parent will argue that no matter how your current situation seems to the court, that it is unproven and unlikely to last. It is hard to convince the court your situation is a good one, if the other side can point out that it is subject to constant revision.

So, remember to think stability in all aspect of your personal and public life, to ensure an advantage in custody litigation.

6. Hire a lawyer who knows custody and who you can afford.

There are couples who can work out custody on their own here in Pennsylvania. Those are the fortunate couples. When you cannot agree, you should consult a lawyer.  Court rules can be complex and filled with pitfalls for the untrained.

The real problem is it is hard decouple yourself emotionally from the fight.  Do you want a surgeon that gets angry, sad or depressed while he operates on your body?  A good lawyer is not emotionally attached to your situation, and can help you better understand what is possible and realistic.  This doesn't mean they have to be cold or unsympathetic, but it does mean they must and can maintain a professional detachment.

While a good lawyer is rarely free, costs can vary greatly.  In fact, most people don't know what to pay for an attorney.  A highly experienced attorney might charge a lot more for a particular case, but might not be able to be any more successful. A novice attorney may be just as successful if the facts and law are certain in a case.

You should also stay in budget. If you overpay for your resources, you might not be able to sustain the custody litigation.  You don't want to burn all of your legal funds too quickly. Be careful about spending too much too soon.  You might be able to afford the high priced attorney for a short term, but what if the case drags on?

Please keep in mind we are not trying to set you up to "win" a court case. This series is a set of factors for you to consider to position yourself in the best place for you to contribute to the stability, welfare, and well-being of your children.

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Douglas Wortman or Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

#Custody #Divorce #Bucks_County #lawyer #lawyers, #Montgomery_County #Souderton #Law_Firm

Points to consider in your children custody case after a divorce (part 2)

NOTE: Pennsylvania law does not presume one parent is better than the other as a custodial parent and many county courts look to share physical custody, as close to 50/50%, as possible. While judges base child custody decisions on many variables, and the Pennsylvania law sets forth all the factors a court must consider in a child custody case, this series includes some of the more important factors Pennsylvania courts typically consider when making these decisions.  While there are no guarantees in child custody disputes, taking these actions may increase your chances of a favorable result.

This blog is part 2 and discusses two more points of the 10 points we plan to discuss and for you to consider when trying to position yourself to maximize your physical custody of your children.

3. Find a job / work schedule that fits the children’s routine.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Working is not a negative mark against you and often suggests stability to the custody court.  However it is important that you try to find a work schedule that fits the children's schedule.  Working 8 to 5 or some variation is usually best as it coincides with school and maximizes the amount of time parents can spend with their children.  While Pennsylvania law allows the court to consider suitable childcare as a factor, parents who work third shift or second shift must often face arguments that they aren't available at critical times.  The more time for the kids, the more chances you have to increase your custody.

Keep in mind that changing jobs for custody reasons could affect your ability to pay child support, so be careful.  The court will generally not lower child support for people who voluntarily change jobs for lower wages.

4. Avoid cohabitation too soon in a new relationship.

New relationships can impact your child custody. Your choice in and character of a new mate can hurt your custody case. If the new paramour is later found to have a significant criminal record or a record of abuse, this will almost certainly hurt your custody case.

Even if you are already separated and meet someone new, there can still tension.  This is particularly true where the relationship/divorce still has unresolved issues. The spurned parent often perceives this as a character or stability issue, and will simply oppose the new person on those grounds alone.

While a custody court is highly unlikely to deny a parent a new paramour or spouse, the how, when, and where of the new relationship can influence your custody position. By adding another person to your household, you create an additional line of questions for the court. The answers can change the outcome of the case.

Please keep in mind we are not trying to set you up to "win" a court case. This series is a set of factors for you to consider to position yourself in the best place for you to contribute to the stability, welfare, and well-being of your children.

 

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Douglas Wortman or Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

#Custody #Divorce #Bucks_County #lawyer #lawyers, #Montgomery_County #Souderton #Law_Firm

Effective ways to reduce your risk of identity theft.

Image courtesy of hyena reality at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If identity thieves have your personal information, they can deplete your bank accounts, run up charges on your credit cards, open new utility accounts, or even get medical treatment on your health insurance.

Identity thieves are resourceful: they rummage through your garbage, the trash of businesses, or public dumps. They may work — or pretend to work — for legitimate companies, medical offices, clinics, pharmacies, or government agencies, or convince you to reveal personal information. Some thieves pretend to represent an institution you trust, and try to trick you into revealing personal information by email or phone.

The first step to prevent identity theft is awareness of how and when you use your personal information. By keeping close tabs on your personal information, you can significantly reduce your chances of becoming an identity theft victim. There are several effective ways to do this:
 

Store and dispose of your personal information securely, especially your Social Security number.  Do not routinely carry your Social Security card or documents with your SSN on it.

 

•Don’t give a business your Social Security number just because they ask – only when absolutely necessary.  Ask them why they need it.

•Protect your personal financial information at home and on your computer.

•Check your credit report annually.

•Check your Social Security Administration earnings statement annually.

•Use a firewall program on your computer, especially if you leave your computer connected to the Internet 24 hours a day.

•Do not download files sent to you by strangers or click on hyperlinks from people you do not know.

•Don’t give personal information over the phone, through the mail or the Internet unless you have either initiated the contact or are sure you know who is asking.

For more information on how to prevent Identity Theft, check out this link to the Federal Trade Commission’s web page on methods of keeping your personal information secure:

http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0272-how-keep-your-personal-information-secure
 

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

Telephone Issues yesterday

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Anyone who called yesterday may have received a message that our voicemail was full. I apologize for the problem. The voicemails automatically delete after a certain time and this is the first time since we opened the messages built faster than they were deleted. This shows our practice is growing but I should have been paying attention to the mailbox.

We will make an added effort to call people we were expecting calls from. But if you called yesterday and didn't get through, please know the system is cleaned up and if you do not reach Doug or me, you will be able to leave a message. We really do try to return calls as soon as possible. Again, I am a little embarrassed I let the box get so full and I apologized for the inconvenience.

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Medvesky Law Office, LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

Points to consider in your children custody case after a divorce (part 1)

Pennsylvania law does not presume one parent is better than the other as a custodial parent and many county courts look to share physical custody, as close to 50/50%, as possible. While judges base child custody decisions on many variables, and the Pennsylvania law sets forth all the factors a court must consider in a child custody case, this series includes some of the more important factors Pennsylvania courts typically consider when making these decisions.  While there are no guarantees in child custody disputes, taking these actions may increase your chances of a favorable result.



Image courtesy of AKARAKINGDOMS at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Over the next couple weeks this blog with discuss 10 points to consider when trying to position yourself to maximize your physical custody of your children.  Please keep in mind we are not trying to set you up to "win" a court case. This series is a set of factors for you to consider to position yourself in the best place for you to contribute to the stability, welfare, and well-being of your children.

1.  Try to find adequate and safe living environment.

This can be a problem for many divorcing parents, especially financially.  Ideally, you would try to find something that has age appropriate bedroom situations, allows older boys and girls to sleep separately, and an environment that avoids over-crowding.  Obviously keeping the marital home has its own advantage as the children are comfortable and acclimated to those surroundings.

Of course, financial considerations may limit your choices.  So, no matter where you move, keep it clean, neat, and habitable.  Modest housing that is clean and neat is usually all most custody judges will expect.  Even if you must rent a less than perfect abode, and the opposing parent has that, "nice house in the country", adequate sleeping areas, and cleanliness should keep you on equal ground. Judges may be negatively swayed by pictures of dirty homes and dingy appearances.

2. Stay in the same school district.

A divorce is already disruptive children’s lives and the court is, and the parents should be, looking for ways to keep as much stability as possible. School is one of the areas that can remain stable. If you move out of your child's school district, the opposing parent may argue that custody is best kept with them, so the child can retain the same friends and teachers.  This can be a powerful and persuasive argument. If the custody case is otherwise close, this may carry the day. 

Many times a parent who leaves the family residence moves without regard to the school district. They move long distances to be with new loves, parents, or just to get a fresh start.  Keep in mind that school is one of the most important aspects of your children's lives.  This is usually where most of their friends are.  Staying in the same district signals to the court that you planned your move with your children's best interest at heart.

However, if you move to a location with a much better school district than the one your child/children currently attend, you can present this in your custody case.  Just remember, much better and a little better are not the same things.  In most instances, moving schools for children who are established students is probably not going to help your custody case.  You should try to find housing in the same school district if you are the parent leaving the marital home.

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Douglas Wortman or Medvesky Law Office,  LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

#Custody #Divorce #Bucks_County #lawyer #lawyers, #Montgomery_County #Souderton #Law_Firm

Child Custody - "I'm taking the kids and moving to my mother's ..."

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In many families around Pennsylvania, children are being raised by only one of their parents. For a variety of reasons, one parent may want or need to move while the child is a minor. These reasons can include a new job or educational opportunity, to be closer to family, or to leave an abusive relationship. If you have primary physical custody of your child in Pennsylvania, you should be aware of the Commonwealth’s requirements before deciding to move.

 

Pennsylvania’s Child Custody Law was modified in January 2011, and the most recent law included several modifications regarding relocations involving minor children. The law now provides specific steps that the parent requesting the relocation must follow when the move would substantially interfere with the other parent’s custodial rights. There are two ways the relocation can occur: 

 

              1) each person with custodial rights agrees to the proposed move, or

 

              2) the Court must approve the relocation.

 

The new law requires that the parent planning to move must inform every individual with a custodial right of the proposed move. This notice must be in writing and sent to each person by certified mail, return receipt requested. With few exceptions, notice must be given at least 60 days in advance of the proposed move. This notice must include a detailed list of information pertaining to the proposed new residence, the new school district, the date of the proposed relocation, detailed information on household members, why the relocation is desired, and a proposed custody order.

 

After receiving notice of the proposed relocation, the other parent can either agree or object to the proposed relocation. The parent must file in Court within thirty days of receiving notice of the proposed move. If an objection is filed, a hearing will be held where the objecting party may oppose the proposed relocation, the proposed revised custody schedule, or both. If an objection is not received within the required time limits, the other parties cannot object to the relocation in the future.

 

When deciding to approve or reject a proposed relocation, the statute provides several factors that the court will consider.  These factors include, but are not limited to: the child’s relationship with the relocating and non-relocating party, the likely impact of the relocation on the child, the reasons for the relocation, and whether the relocation will enhance the child’s quality of life.  The list is not all-inclusive, as the court can consider any factor that affects the best interest of the child.  If the court ultimately approves the proposed relocation, the court will either modify the existing custody order or create a new custody order.

 

If you want assistance, legal representation, or just want to know more about Douglas Wortman or Medvesky Law Office,  LLC, check out our website at www.medveskylaw.com.

 

#Custody #Divorce #Bucks_County #lawyer #lawyers, #Montgomery_County #Souderton #Law_Firm

Infidelity ... the act itself is bad enough ... don't let the damage continue

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles 
at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We have had a few cases walk into the office recently where there has been an unfaithful spouse. Everyone handles it differently. Many times infidelity adds a whole new dimension to a divorce. The worse cases, from my perspective, are when the non-offending spouse allows the affair to continuously victimize him or her.

When that happens, the offended spouse either wants to be vindicated and hold the offending spouse up for ridicule in a public forum like court or wants retribution. This can create a stressful and expensive divorce.

Pennsylvania is a no fault divorce state. Infidelity does not generally play a big role in divorce (it can be a defense to spousal support and a factor in alimony). So if a couple has decided they cannot get beyond the unfaithful act, I try to get my clients to put the infidelity behind them and work on their future. Of course that is easy for me to say.

I found this article and it offers advice similar to what I have offered to clients myself:

10 Productive Ways To Move On After Infidelity (http://huff.to/1BjsNT2).

I strongly agree with at least two points in the article:

" 1. Accept that the marriage is over. Stop emotionally investing in the past. The more you hold onto the past, the more you will recreate it in your present moment and in the future. Go through the logistics of separating your lives. Take off your wedding ring. Ask yourself honestly: Are you stalling the divorce process? Why? Do you feel scared to let go?"

       and

"7. Forgive. Realize that forgiveness is really more for your benefit than for the other person's. As the famous saying goes: 'Holding onto anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other to die.'"

It is hard for clients to make rational decisions in an effort to settle a divorce case when they are hoping it won't happen or when they are angry and want payback. If you know someone going through a divorce, let them know about this article. It could start some healthy dialogue and get them moving forward.  

Learn more about my firm Medvesky Law Office, LLC at http://www.medveskylaw.com/

WSJ - "How to Plan for a Divorce"

Here is another article I found that has decent information about preparing for divorce: http://online.wsj.com/articles/how-to-plan-for-a-divorce-1410049066

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many times I find clients don't know enough about their financial affairs. This article lists financial affairs as its first point. The article states:

"1. Know What You Own and Make Copies.

Gather as much information as possible, as early as possible, regarding your family's finances..."

 

This is one of the most important things you can do as you prepare to initiate a divorce. As they say, information is power. Knowing what you own and being able to prove it can short-circuit some litigation.

I'm not sure I agree with every point. The fourth point may not do much for party:

"4. Watch the Timing.

Mr. Gambaccini suggests looking to file your divorce in a year when you're earning less money—for example, when you get no bonus or there is a big decline in the value of your investments. While a court will typically look at income over many years, having a recent decrease in earnings may lower future payments, such as alimony, he says."

 

In fact, depending on why a person is earning less money, this can backfire. Courts in Pennsylvania look for those people trying to spite their spouse by taking a downgrade on their jobs. If the court believes a party intentionally cut his or her salary, the court may impute the hirer income to the party. Timing is important and people need to consider their financial positions when filing. But I'm not sure how much mileage you will get in this area. 

 

The article list 4 other points to consider. They are all worth discussing with an attorney as you plan your divorce. You can use this as a guide for discussion during your initial meeting.

"STUDY: For children, there is NO 'amicable divorce'"

A study led by Dr. Jonathon Beckmeyer of Indiana University, found that children's problems were no worse if parents continued to fight with each other after the divorce. As an attorney who tries to keep divorces as civil as possible, this is a tough study to take. The article states:

"The impact of the split on youngsters is just as devastating whether or not the mother and father keep cordial links, it found. These recent findings undermine a Government-backed consensus that the harm caused to children by separating parents can be limited if the couple remain friends."

Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I find this study difficult to believe. It definitely seems counter-intuitive. Unfortunately, couples will continue to divorce. It would be nice if they didn't. I wonder how it would compare to broken couples that stay together for the kids. Is the broken family the issue or the separation?

I guess a closer look at the study itself might be more enlightening. No matter what, this is not a reason to be unreasonable. Interesting read. less http://lnkd.in/dxdMM8t

Custody Challenge - the balance of a mother and father as a couple becomes the tension after they split

Many family experts talk about the different parenting styles between mother and father. They talk about the nurturing and protective nature of a mother and how the father allows independence and exploration. Though I never formally studied this area, my own experiences and observations lead me to believe this idea. I think because of these differences in parenting, this is one of the factors that causes angst with custody after parents split.


Image courtesy of africa at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When parents live together, they tend to work together whether it is a conscious effort or not. The mother is protective and tries to keep safety paramount. That's not to say a mother cannot foster a sense of adventure and independence. But my sense is there is a more heightened concern for safety and security. The father seems to allow a child a greater deal of autonomy; even at the youngest ages. That's not to say fathers place their children at high risk of being harmed. But I think fathers will wait a little longer to see if the child identifies a risk before intervening. Together, parent seem to offset each other. Mother's reel kids in when fathers allow too much adventure and fathers push the envelope when mothers are being overly cautious. These roles and this balance, whatever it is, develops from the time the children are born.

(I realize these are broad generalization and do not fit every family. And I am not trying to offend with this entry. Read on because even if you disagree with my generalizations, I think some of my logic follows for couples filling the roles differently)

When parents separate, this balance is disrupted and just adds tension to an already traumatic event in the parents' lives. They are already angry, mistrust each other, and hurt. Then, they are forced to share or divide the most precious part of their lives, their children. The most upsetting point is when the parents realize they have lost most of their influence over the other parent while he/she is exercising custody. I have met very few mothers who truly believe their ex's can properly care for their child without instructions from them. Many fathers feel mothers can be over-protective and intrusive when they have custody. When the parents completely ignore the others concerns and desires, it becomes a flashpoint.

If parents fail to understand and accept they have lost significant control of the other party's parenting practices when that person has custody of their children; if parents fail to recognize that the balance is off and they need to find a new balance and lose to sight of the fact they still need to co-parent in their new relationship; if they find they cannot or decide not to cooperate with each other to raise their children; and/or if parents act on their own emotions only, then they the run the risk of committing themselves to years of litigation and thousands of dollars in attorneys fee. And ultimately not providing a better environment to raise their children.

I'm not suggesting one parent should not intervene through the legal system if a child is in real danger or at significant risk because of the other parent. But the court does not want to get involved with a true difference of opinion on parenting.

When my clients talk to me about concerns they have about the other person's parenting, I try to shift the focus from the objectionable activity and on to the probable effect on the child.  If the activity is not harmful and has no real negative long term impact on the child, chances are a court is not going to intervene. As a result, any emotions and resources spent on the issue are a waste and could be counterproductive for both parties.

If there is an issue that is just a little more serious, the court may intervene. But parents in Pennsylvania need to keep in mind the courts' preference is to divide custody as equally as possible. So the court's intervention will probably be minimal. As a result, the return on any efforts will be much less than desired.

With all this stated, I understand some people are just jerks and so selfish that they will use their children as a tool to agitate their ex-partners. Unfortunately, there is not much one can do to correct a poor personality. In fact many times any efforts to do so only encourages continued antagonistic behavior.

While it is not always possible, I encourage clients to negotiate as many issues as they can with their former partners and only litigate what they must. My goal for my clients is to establish the new balance as soon as possible so they can put the fighting behind them and refocus on the important task of co-parenting their children. Without building a new balance in their lives, a couple risks years of emotional distress and a significant financial burden in attorneys’ fees.

Common Question - My spouse and I are divorcing amicable ... can we come in and see you?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My firm is all about helping people divorce in an amicable fashion. We will work with one of the parties to draft agreements they both want. When we first start cases like this, many times, the person calling will ask us to meet with both parties. When we tell them we cannot meet with both parties, people are confused and get upset.

It is an ethical issue and places the firm in a bad position. When you talk to an attorney and have a question, you have an absolute right to know what is in your best interest and it is our obligation to give you an honest answer. What you do with the information is up to you but, again, we must give it to you. If your spouse has a question, he or she has the same right and his or her attorney has the same obligation. To do anything less would be a violation of an attorney's ethical responsibility. I have no problem when a client wants to take less or is getting more than they are entitled to for whatever reason. And if a spouse decides not to see an attorney, I cannot require it. But we cannot represent both parties and can only really talk to the person who consults with us.

I understand how people are confused. There are a couple methods that I know about to take the court battles out of the mix. But that does not necessarily remove the attorneys. There is the collaborative law process. That is where the parties sign an agreement to openly and honestly negotiate a settlement and agree to keep the case out of court. The parties and their attorneys meet to discuss the issues and develop solutions together.

Another method of proceeding through a divorce is mediation. The parties meet with a mediator to negotiate a resolution. Again, they agree to be open and work together. Once the parties come up with an agreement, the mediator reduces it to writing and gives them copies to discuss with their attorneys.

At least this is what I know about these two method. I feel it important to say I'm not trained or certified in either of these methods and I've explained the extent of my knowledge. The bottom-line is, as I understand it, parties still have separate legal counsel if they want representation even in the most cooperative processes.

We welcome people who want to work things out without the need of a court battle. For ethical reasons, we cannot represent or even appear to represent both parties to a divorce. It is a good thing if you are looking for an attorney to work with you, your spouse, and spouse's attorney in an open and respectful way.

Social Media Prenup; new conversations as the practice matures ...

"Would YOU sign a social media prenup? The rise in contracts banning couples from sharing embarrassing posts" http://dailym.ai/1nshr7Q

This article in the Mail On-Line talks about the rise in social media prenuptial agreements:

“The typical social media clause states that couples can't post nude or embarrassing photos that might harm their significant other's reputation

The penalty is usually monetary, with well-to-do couples in New York typically paying up to $50,000 each time they break the clause”

I'm sure everyone gets the no posting of nude photos part of the clause. But I question the "embarrassing photos that might harm their significant other's reputation" part of it. What does that mean?

One of the couple interviewed stated: 'What Jonathon and I do is he'll say, "This is an SMP [social media prenup] moment. Is this OK [to post]? Is this crossing the line?" It's two sentences, versus a paragraph or an hour [discussion]. It's not a big deal, anymore.'

Are we at a point in our society that we need to ask permission to post a photo on Facebook? Does that mean it must be embarrassing at the time the photo was taken or when it is posted to be actionable? What happens if it is posted and becomes embarrassing? Would that be actionable?

What if you met your wife in grad school. At the time she was a gun enthusiast. You take a photo at a shooting range during a weekend date. 15 years later, she is an activist and lobbyist against all firearms. Her hobby as a student went unnoticed. You post the photo from the shooting range on Facebook.  Did you violate the "embarrassing photos that might harm their significant other's reputation" clause? What if her organization let her go ... is it a violation then?

What about the penalty? The article notes "The penalty is usually monetary, with well-to-do couples in New York typically paying up to $50,000 each time they break the clause."

What about the less well-to-do couples? What about a mother who is marrying for a second time and all she has and wants to protect her IRA for her child from her first marriage? What could a couple in this earnings bracket expect to recover is a social media clause is added to the prenup and is violated? Or how about the vindictive spouse who can afford the penalty and violates the agreement for spite and offers the penalty?

I'm not sure there are answers yet. These are new and serious discussions attorneys will need to start having with their clients.  In this age of immediate electronic communications and past scandalous post, the points in the article seem to be valid.

What will be the end result? My concern is the prenup agreement will increase in cost, it may end up being tough to enforce, and it creates another battle field for divorcing spouses to fight. Don't get me wrong, it needs to be discuss. I'm just sorry we are at the point it does.